Friday, November 12, 2010

Praise Song Fail

While I was driving around town today, I was listening to the radio.  Although, to be accurate, I wasn't so much listening to the radio as I was desperately trying to find something worth listening to on the radio.  You see, Denver is strange.  Despite being a big city, Denver has really bad radio stations.  It breaks down as such:

5 NPR stations.  I can't listen to these because, to my ears, the worst sound in the universe is that of overly sincere lady NPR commentator's voice.
2 Classic Rock stations.  I can't listen to these because I get violently angry every time a radio station assumes that, because I like the Beatles, I must also like John Mellencamp and that horrific Sign, Sign dirty hippy song. 
7 Modern Pop stations.  I can't listen to these because I die a little bit inside every time I hear a Katy Perry song.
3 Sports Radio stations.  Aside from ESPN radio, which is always at commercial break, my options are either to listen to local radio hosts calling for Josh McDaniel's fingers to be cut off or to listen to Jim Rome.  If you've never heard Jim Rome before, imagine the sound of fingernails scraping across a chalkboard.  Then imagine that those fingernails have a really huge ego.  That's Jim Rome.
147 Mariachi stations.  Mariachi stations, I'm convinced, are a big conspiracy financed by the global Mexican Restaurant Industry, intended to make me want chips and salsa every time I hear happy trumpets.

And finally...

4 Contemporary Christian Music stations.

Today, I stopped on one of these stations for a moment.  At the time, I did not know it was a CCM station.  I did not know this because it took at least seven seconds before I realized that the song playing was a CCM song and not a commercial jingle for a car or car dealership.  The reason it took at least seven seconds to realize this was because the CCM song sounded exactly like a commercial jingle for a car or car dealership.  It was not until the singers stated singing something about being in God's presence (and not Toyota Camrys) that I realized what was going on.

And, as far as Church music goes, that should be considered a big fail.  If you are singing a song of praise to God, that song should not be easily confused with Rattle, Rattle, Thunder, Clatter, Boom, Boom, Boom...

My name is Pastor Hans Fiene.  Thanks for reading.


Rev. Eric J Brown said...

I am disturbed to learn that you don't like Mellencamp. He is the greatest Hoosier of them all. Be that as it may. . .

I too was driving around and flipped through channels and ran across much pop music. The sad, sad observation is that of the pop music that is around, Katy Perry is some of the only stuff that won't be viewed with the embarassment with which the Spice Girls or the Backstreet Boys are viewed today. There's just so much "hip" (my obviously dated term) slang used in pop in so many songs that they will date themselves very poorly.

This leads to the next question or thought. How many of the CCM songs are people going to be embarrassed about 20 years down the line -- or more importantly, how many of those songs will have people rocking out to 20 years down the line where everyone else thinks that they are utter fools for listening to something so tacky.

We shouldn't waste our time singing songs to our Lord that we will be embarrassed to have sung some time down the line.

Pastor Fiene said...

Mellencamp is horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. I cannot stress this enough. And Indiana has produced Cole Porter, Hoagy Carmichael, Michael Jackson, Babyface, David Lee Roth, Axl Rose and many others who are way, way ahead on the list of the Hoosier state's greatest musicians. Seriously, Mellencamp is horrible.

But everything else you say is right. If you haven't seen the 'King of the Hill' episode where Bobby gets into hip, teen ministry, track it down. One of the most profound indictments of CCM that you'll ever hear/see was when Hank took out a shoebox filled with discarded Ninja Turtles and Beanie Babies and other embarrassing fads from the past and told Bobby, "I don't want the Lord to end up in this box."