Overdue Director's Commentaries

Frequently, my wife tells me that I need to write on my blog more often. When she does, I tell her that I write a commentary on all of my videos, so I am usually posting at least once a week.  She then says that doesn't count.  I say yes it does, even though I know she's right.  And because she has gradually succeeded in convincing me that writing director's commentaries on the Lutheran Satire videos isn't real writing, I've gotten behind in doing it.  So if you've been upset by that, don't blame me.  Blame Katie.

I love you, honey.

Anyway, I'm a few videos behind.  So here's some lickedy split catching up:

1. Things Your Lutheran Pastor Totally Loves: The Feast of the 156th Fruits (Ep. 9)

So, if your congregation needs things, and you want to give your congregation those things, make sure you give nice things and not semi-toxic garbage.  Otherwise you end up treating the church like a ratty hand-me-down wearing, nose picking, red-headed step brother.  And that's not a good thing.

Also, on a side note, the final joke in this video is probably my favorite Lutheran Satire joke of all time.

2. ...and you lost me.

If you're a politically conservative fellow like me, and if you've ever watched those presidential debates between all those fringe third party candidates, you've probably experienced having the Constitution party pull the rug out from underneath you.  So the Constitution candidate will be talking about limited government that respects the free market and you'll think, "yeah, that's right."  And then he'll display a firm grasp of economic principles that is entirely lost on most Democrats and Republicans and you'll think, "man, this guy is awesome."  And then he'll give an impassioned speech about the need to defend the rights of the unborn, and you think, "dude, I'm totally becoming a member of the Constitution Party."  And then he'll say, "and that's why we need to force public school teachers to lead prayers for Israel every day after the Pledge of Allegiance," and you think, "yeah!  That exactly...wait, what?"  This is pretty much what happens to me every time I'm ready to sign up for the High Church Guy Club that many of my dearly beloved Lutheran pastor buddies belong to.

3. The "How To" Show: How to Start a Cult (Ep. 6)

This is pretty much how the Mormons, the JW's, the Branch Davidians, etc... rolled into existence.  And if you want to roll as they rolled, this is how to do it.  But please don't roll as such.  Because if you do, you'll probably get killed by an Illinois Militia or the United States government.  Oh, and you'll also go to hell.

4. The "How To" Show: How to Have an Official Position (Ep. 7)

Lightly inspired by the cremation debate, the point of this video is that the only way to truly solve issues of controversy is:

1. To learn what God's Word says about an issue.

2. To say what God's Word says.

3. To encourage those who have adopted practices in violation of that Word to repent and receive absolution.

But when your goal is to say something that sounds sort of God-ish without offending anybody and then pretend like you've genuinely addressed the issue, you just end up with really stupid theology.

Also, for the record, I believe that spinning cats around by the tail is cruel.  If you find an unwanted cat in your presence, either call your local humane society or shoot it in the face.

5. The "How To" Show: How To Be a Biblical Scholar (Ep. 8)

A few years ago, some "Biblical Scholars" got the tinglies in their tummies when this story came out, attempting a "scientific" explanation behind the miraculous story of Jesus walking on the water.  "You see," these scholars said, "research shows that, occasionally, it can get cold enough for the Sea of Galilee to freeze.  So what might have happened is that some water froze, and Jesus was walking on a flow of ice, and the disciples saw it and they were all like:

And so the idea got around that Jesus had miraculously walked on water because people who lived a long time ago were superstitious idiots and not smart, rational people like me.  So, uh, yeah."  Granted, it takes way more blind faith to believe that Jesus just happened to be around during one of the four times that it got cold enough for the Sea of Galilee to freeze, and that he somehow walked out on an ice flow without getting hypothermia or slipping and falling into the water and dying, and that his disciples were so dumb that they couldn't figure out that he was standing on that frozen water stuff.  But, of course, the job of a Biblical Scholar is not to say reasonable things that are backed up with actual evidence.  The job of a Biblical Scholar is to reject the Word in favor of anything else, no matter how stupid anything else may be.

And yeah, I spelled "alma mater" wrong.  I tried to fix it and repost the video, but I have a stupid PC and I can't get the battery to charge anymore, so my video editing computer is dead and if it bothers you that much, send me some money to buy a Mac.

Ok.  I'm caught up now.  Bye.